11+ results day: prepare yourself and your child for whatever happens

Prepare for not passing the 11+

As results day approaches, even the calmest of parents and children will find it difficult to stay composed. Check out our top tips for keeping you both cool and collected on the day:

• Try to keep occupied, so that there isn’t too much time to worry about the results. If you get yours and your child’s mindset prepared for whatever happens, you will both be more resilient for bad news.

• It’s important your child receives their result with sensitivity. Reassure them how proud you are of them, and whatever the outcome, they will end up where they are supposed to be.

• Unfortunately, children don’t always get the result either you or they want. Have a back-up plan with all the information about the alternative schools your child could attend.

• Whilst you and your child are waiting for their results, remind them that they did their best. They may be feeling anxious about your reaction if they don’t pass, so try not to build up the pressure by assuming they have passed. Remember you aren’t on your own: other parents and children are waiting for their results, too.

• Make plans for results day, so that, whatever the result, your child is preoccupied with something fun after school. Think about a trip to the cinema, a game of football in the park or a family games night.

• In the lead up to result’s day, focus on the positives. Create a list of all the benefits of both the school your child is applying for and the alternative, so that whatever the outcome, they have something to look forward to, such as extra-curricular activities, new friends they’ll make or current ones that will be there in the alternative option.

A pleasing result – successful outcome

Great news! All that hard work has paid off. It is time to celebrate with your child and give yourself a pat on the back! Helping a child through the exam process is a challenge in itself!

· Remind them that it is best to be modest and sensitive towards others who also received their results. Even if they themselves have done well, their friends may not have been successful; it’s important to handle the news with modesty.

· It is also important to allay any fears that even good news may bring. A new school can be a challenge, so remind them of the new friends they will make and of the exciting opportunities that will open for them.

How to cope with a disappointing result in your child’s exam

In this situation, it is always important to stay calm for your child. It is understandable to feel disappointed and frustrated, which may be difficult to hide from them, so give yourself some time-out and stay calm. There are things you can do in a tough situation:

• Keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your child, but don’t show disappointment; easier said than done.

• Don’t compare: it is easy to compare with other children, but everyone has individual strengths.

• It is not a time for blame.

• The exam has taken a lot of time and hard work, so it’s not a time for platitudes, but assuring them that everything will ultimately work out for the best.

• Ask them how they want to let their friends and family know. They may be feeling embarrassed, so it is important that they are in control of their next steps.

If your child does not pass the 11+, it’s not the end of the world! Secondary schools often have specialist subjects, and a non-grammar school may still be an appropriate fit for your child.

Most importantly of all, let them know that whatever happened, you love them, and you know they did their best. They will remember how they felt at this important time, and how you reacted, for the rest of their lives.